Bullying yourself? Yeah that’s a real thing. We see others posting photos and then want what they have or feel bad because our life isn’t the way their’s appears to be. We don’t feel like an adequate parent because our child didn’t just go on a Disney cruise and we shop at second hand stores. We feel bad because we all don’t have farm to table meals and a perfectly set up formal dining room with place cards. In fact some nights my son has lucky charms for dinner. I’ve started “following” all these amazing women and mothers who have amazing lives. Every picture they post is perfect. Every outfit is amazing and some of their outfits cost almost as much as my car. Their kids are all gorgeous in every photo with the best of the best. They have perfectly clean and organized rooms, amazing kitchens, perfect husbands, they take these amazing trips and i’m pretty sure they buy Starbucks every morning. Ever since I’ve started following them my mood has changed, i never noticed until my boyfriend mentioned to me a few weeks ago. “What is wrong with you, you seem so stressed and unhappy lately” and he was right I was.
I was irritated with my son because he didn’t always smile perfectly for the camera in fact most days he hates pictures. I was stressing over getting perfectly posed pictures with perfect lighting. I was depressed because even if they were on clearance I could never afford a pair of those $800 over the knee boots everyone is wearing right now, I was feeling ugly because most days I don’t curl my hair or put on real pants and I really only wear dresses on Sundays, because it’s too cold. In fact most days I layer up like an Eskimo so I can’t look cute. I was annoyed because i had my extensions taken out due to them being too much weight on my hair and it sounds silly but I felt naked without them. My own hair didn’t feel pretty enough or long enough because every picture I see is a beautiful girl with long extensions. Instagram for us now is the equivalent to being a little girl with a Barbie doll. When we’re little we see how beautiful Barbie is and all that she has. A perfect bod, shimmering hair, flawless makeup and we without even trying, we start to feel self-conscious because that isn’t how we look. With Instagram we follow all these models, bloggers, influencers and see glimpses of their lives through photos and videos. Then we start to stress and become unhappy with our own lives. We have to stop doing that to ourselves. That’s my goal with this blog. To show everyone behind the scenes, and to hopefully be a reminder that life isn’t always perfect and that’s OK! It’s ok if you feed your child cereal for dinner some days and if you aren’t always fashionable in the latest and greatest. That’s ok too! If some days you stay in PJs and they don’t match it doesn’t make you less of a person or parent. I teach my children to love themselves the way they are and be grateful for what they have. I think that’s something I need to work on and remind myself of too.
It’s funny today in church they spoke on offerings and tithings. When my boyfriend’s dad got up there and spoke it was like he was speaking directly to me. He went over how we need to be thankful for the things we do have and the many blessings we are given. Those words hit home so much. My eyes started to tear up, I was so focused on what I didn’t have and the picture perfect life I was lacking, that I was over looking all that I do have and the many blessings I have been given. My goal from here on out is to start a grateful journal. Nothing long or extreme but every night I’m going to write something down I am grateful for. I think it will help at times when I’m feeling down to read about the many blessings that I have been given.